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Misa Go To Girl just became a Modern Shift Resource

Event Planning & Full Service Concierge

Miss Go To Girl


Event Planning & Full Service Concierge
Personal | San Francisco


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concierge services, California, Personal Assistant, Divorce Party, event planning

Mimi Vail Realtor just became a Modern Shift Resource

Mimi Vail - Realtor

Douglas Elliman Real Estate


Mimi Vail - Realtor
Real Estate | Palm Beach


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real estate, moving

Ezra Migel shared an Experience

Ted Talks always inspire. Always worth your time.

One of my favorites by Sebastiao Salgado

The Silent Drama of Photography

http://youtu.be/qH4GAXXH29s


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Art., Photography, Life

Modern Shift shared a Question

Is parents staying together through gritted teeth really more beneficial to children?

Yes, divorce is bad for children, but let’s not fetishise marriage at all costs

"I don’t seek to minimise the harm that a bad divorce causes children, but what are we comparing it to? How much emotional harm does a bad marriage cause? Is staying together in silent hostility or ongoing rows better for children?"

We are all terribly concerned about the adverse affects of divorce on children – sometimes our own children, who we feel we have let down terribly. Today’s headlines will fuel the guilt of any person who has failed to stay married, for whatever reason. A survey by Resolution, an association of Family Lawyers, has been spun into a scare story about the awful cost of divorce for children. (Never mind the awful cost of lawyers, eh?) After a...

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Is parents staying together through gritted teeth really more beneficial to children?

Yes, divorce is bad for children, but let’s not fetishise marriage at all costs

"I don’t seek to minimise the harm that a bad divorce causes children, but what are we comparing it to? How much emotional harm does a bad marriage cause? Is staying together in silent hostility or ongoing rows better for children?"

We are all terribly concerned about the adverse affects of divorce on children – sometimes our own children, who we feel we have let down terribly. Today’s headlines will fuel the guilt of any person who has failed to stay married, for whatever reason. A survey by Resolution, an association of Family Lawyers, has been spun into a scare story about the awful cost of divorce for children. (Never mind the awful cost of lawyers, eh?) After a family split, your kids are more likely to be on drugs, fail their exams, self-harm – and that’s in between the eating disorders and alcohol problems.

The advice is the same as always: to minimise stress and conflict for the kids; that mediation is better than adversarial battles; that children should never be made to feel it’s their fault. In an ideal world we would all achieve this, as we know it to be intellectually true, even if we cannot always carry it through emotionally.

This latest survey, conducted on a mere 500 young people, is deeply problematic. I don’t seek to minimise the harm that a bad divorce causes children, but what are we comparing it to? How much emotional harm does a bad marriage cause? Is staying together in silent hostility or ongoing rows better for children?

Also, how can we isolate one factor? Divorce rates are slightly down, but these splits are still, in 65% of cases, initiated by women. The result is that children of divorce often live in poorer housing with less money. To talk about educational attainment we have to look right across socioeconomic factors; we cannot just blame it all on divorce. What are the figures on when co-habitation breaks down?

Emotional trauma may be one part of it; change in material circumstances another. Countless other surveys dispel many of the myths – for example, that divorce affects boys more than girls, as they are more likely to become delinquent. Actually, in the population at large boys are simply more delinquent than girls. To measure the adjustment of kids from “intact” families against those of separated couples, while removing every other variable, does not tell us much at all.

But the right continue to push this agenda for marriage as the only valid family structure, the ideal economic unit. While 42% of marriages end in divorce, less stigmatisation of children whose parents are no longer together would surely be more helpful than the inference that they will all be on crack in the soft play area.

No one doubts that an amicable separation is the goal, but this is not always attainable. Clearly conflict is terrible for kids, which is why some are more damaged by divorce than the death of a parent.

But where are the reports on 500 children whose parents have stayed together for their sake, though gritted teeth? Some of the most messed-up kids I have seen are precisely those of couples who waited until they went off to university to divorce. It meant that their entire childhood and adolescence had been a kind of lie.

Divorce is a sad fact of life. Adults may indeed be selfish, but a child can still have two parents who love them without them living with each other. Piling on the guilt helps no one, and the conservative fetishisation of marriage, combined with a punitive attitude to single parents, is not about concern for children at all. If it was, it would not continue to trap women and children in poverty. If marriage is so naturally desirable there would be no need to bribe people into it via the tax system – a nanny state move if ever I saw one.

It was Auberon Waugh, in the mid-1990s, who wrote that “the national interest might be favoured if the young children of divorcing parents were put to death”. He was referring to the statistical probability of them becoming criminals and doing badly at school. Like all the best satire, it was simply pushing the dogma to its logical conclusion.

Divorce is a very sad thing. Especially for children. But so is the alternative: living unhappily ever after.

by Suzanne Moore

Original Source:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/nov/24/divorce-bad-for-children-lets-not-fetishise-marriage-parents-children

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Is parents staying together through gritted teeth really more beneficial to children?

Yes, divor...

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parenting, divorce, Kids, marriage

kyle shared an Experience

You MUST take a few minutes and watch this! It speaks to exactly what we are all going through, and is so beautiful and poetic and calming...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za1me4NuqxA&sns=em


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men, women, healing, meditation, Rumi

A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

This is a great blog by the wisest person ever, a teenager-whisperer named Laura Gauld. She and her wise family run Hyde School, a boarding school for 9-12 grades that offers a challenging yet supportive environment- they saved my daughter (and helped heal my family) after my divorce: http://www.hyde.edu/category/biggestjob/

This is a great blog by the wisest person ever, a teenager-whisperer named Laura Gauld. She and h...

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teens, schools, parenting

kyle shared an Experience

I wanna read this book. DEPT. OF SPECULATION

By Jenny Offill

Alfred A. Knopf, $22.95.

Offill’s slender and cannily paced novel, her second, assembles fragments, observations, meditations and different points of view to chart the course of a troubled marriage. Wry and devastating in equal measure, the novel is a cracked mirror that throws light in every direction — on music and literature; science and philosophy; marriage and motherhood and infidelity; and especially love and the grueling rigors of domestic life. Part elegy and part primal scream, it’s a profound and unexpectedly buoyant performance.

I wanna read this book. DEPT. OF SPECULATION



By Jenny Offill



Alfred A. Knopf, $22.95.



Of...

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men, women, loss, divorce, grief

kyle shared an Experience


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men, women, love, loss

kyle shared an Experience

For folks who are looking to make some money or kickstart a job search: http://mashable.com/2014/11/29/recruiter-screening-calls/


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women, men, jobs, money, careers

kyle shared an Experience

Hey, New York City peeps! Get your Dog on with this insane deal I just found: http://www.sonicyoga.com NAMASTE


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men, women, yoga, healing, stress