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A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

Jada Pinkett Smith, on blended families!

"When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn't want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended fa...

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Jada Pinkett Smith, on blended families!

"When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package...Period! If I didn't want that...I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey...I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him...his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other... but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can't support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can't say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT'S selfishness...NOT love. WOMAN UP... I've been there...I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It's time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are."

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Jada Pinkett Smith, on blended families!



"When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the...

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Jada Pinkett Smith, Blended Families, Mom Up, Step parent

kyle shared an Experience

Men And Women Were Asked Why They Really Divorced. Here's What They Said

Ask a newly divorced person what went wrong in their marriage and you're likely to get a polite, pat version of the story: We simply grew apart. We wanted different things in life. I couldn't live with him anymore.

It's not every day you get to hear the frank, no-holds-barred version of what led someone to divorce, but earlier this week, divorcés on Reddit revealed those details. The answers were as honest and unflinching as you'd expect from an anonymous forum.

Read 12 of the most revealing responses below.

1. She couldn't imagine having kids with him.

"I realized that I wouldn't trust him to take care of any kids we might have someday. And then I realized, if I felt that way, why would I trust him around me?"

2. He married a narcissist.

"We di...

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Men And Women Were Asked Why They Really Divorced. Here's What They Said

Ask a newly divorced person what went wrong in their marriage and you're likely to get a polite, pat version of the story: We simply grew apart. We wanted different things in life. I couldn't live with him anymore.

It's not every day you get to hear the frank, no-holds-barred version of what led someone to divorce, but earlier this week, divorcés on Reddit revealed those details. The answers were as honest and unflinching as you'd expect from an anonymous forum.

Read 12 of the most revealing responses below.

1. She couldn't imagine having kids with him.

"I realized that I wouldn't trust him to take care of any kids we might have someday. And then I realized, if I felt that way, why would I trust him around me?"

2. He married a narcissist.

"We divorced because she knew I had her figured out. She couldn't manipulate me and control me anymore. Once I understood narcissism, it was over."

3. They really did just grow apart.

"We were married for eight years. I think we both knew it wasn't forever. I loved her dearly and she loved me. However, there was always something we couldn't provide each other. We just ended up growing apart and fell into gap that was never going to close. I have no regrets with the marriage. I have two wonderful girls, one of which I adopted that was hers with another man. We are still good friends and talk daily. We have our arguments but for the most part, we get along great for ex-spouses and people are always impressed by it. I still spend the holidays with her family even though she is in another relationship. I get along great with him, too."

4. She cheated.

"We found out that I couldn't have kids without some expensive science getting involved. She couldn't handle that, and took matters into her own hands and got pregnant by someone else. I was prepared to forgive her behavior up until that point. She wanted to come back later, but burned bridges and all..."

5. They got married too young.

"I was too young (married at 23 to a 30-year-old) and we simply couldn't make it work. We became different people from who we were when we first met and had a fairly amicable split. One of our main problems was that we had never really discussed the future properly (in detail, not just 'oooh, won't it be nice when we're old!') and I think we both assumed a lot about each other's priorities. For example, I am very urban and he wanted us to move to the countryside. Neither of us was 'wrong,' we simply weren't right for each other."

6. He was too dependent on her.

"During the 10 years we were together (married for six), he never held a job for very long. At first, I believed his excuses -- it was never his fault -- and I tried to be supportive. But it got to be too much. I got tired of him never taking responsibility for being late or for being lazy. The last two years we were married, I was working two jobs (one full-time and one part-time) and he was unemployed for about a year. Did he help out at all around the house? Nope. I'd get home at 11 p.m. at night after having been gone since 7 a,m. and he'd demand dinner. He never did the laundry or cleaned anything. He spent all day playing video games and draining our bank account. I finally got smart and left."

7. They realized they had married for the wrong reason.

"We got a divorce because we never should have gotten married in the first place. But we wanted 'the dream.' It's amazing how many people of my generation this happens to. Thankfully, we realized it for ourselves before children were involved."

8. He couldn't trust her.

"For one, a lack of trust (on my part). I caught her in too many lies and ended up second guessing everything she told me or failed to tell me. Basically, I ended up reading too much into everything she did because I never knew or trusted what she was saying or her motives. She got sick of it and left me."

9. She could no longer stand the criticism.

"We stopped wanting the same things in life and I grew tired of constantly being criticized. I didn't think the commitment [of marriage] required me to feel broken."

10. He wanted out for the kids' sake.

"I married her when I was young and my mother had just died. I felt I needed someone. It was a marriage of convenience for the next ten years. It was when we had kids and were forced to interact with each other that I could not stand it anymore. I asked out of the marriage when the kids (twins) were 3 years-old because I felt if they were any older it would affect them too much and I would not be able to leave. I am very happy I did it. Although the financial strain of child support and alimony has been difficult, I feel it was the best thing for me and the children. I remember actually thinking that I have one life to live and there is no 'do over' unless I did it when I did."

11. He grew up. She didn't.

"We were incompatible on an emotional level. I kept hoping she would grow up. She didn't. She stayed the same person I married. Go figure. A year of couples therapy, six months of personal therapy for me, 15 years and three kids later...we got divorced."

12. Their marriage was virtually passionless.

"I had a comfortable and 'nice' marriage for 11 years. I'm not sure if we were ever passionate, but by the end, we were much more like good companions who had maintenance sex once a week. The she had an affair with a co-worker and I realized I wasn't really in love and happy anymore."

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Men And Women Were Asked Why They Really Divorced. Here's What They Said



Ask a newly divorced ...

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divorce, men, women

kyle shared an Event

1 Where: World Financial Center.
When: Jan, 1, 2015 05:00 am

Sunset Views & Art by the River

Sunset Views & Art by the River

A unique and artsy way to kick off a downtown date night, enjoy stunning harbor views and then explore the various free art exhibitions inside the World Financial Center Winter Garden before heading to dinner.


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sunset, NYC, Art, Free

A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

Take Charge and Recharge!

Take Charge and Recharge!

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meditation, silence, health, wellbeing

A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

Most people know they SHOULD have a Will. Some people (you know – the over achievers and those who are really on top of their game) actually have a Will. The rest of us intend to make one “some day.” But an Estate Plan? Other than celebrities and millionaires, who needs a Will and an Estate Plan? In a word: you.

What is the difference between a Will and an Estate Plan?

A Will is a legal document that directs how certain property will pass when you die. A Will is one piece of an overall estate plan.

An Estate Plan is a collection of legal documents that directs, not only how property will be distributed when you die, but in some cases how it is managed when you are alive, and what kind of healthcare choices you would like to have made for you if you are unable to make those choices for yourself.

Why you need a Will and an Es...

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Most people know they SHOULD have a Will. Some people (you know – the over achievers and those who are really on top of their game) actually have a Will. The rest of us intend to make one “some day.” But an Estate Plan? Other than celebrities and millionaires, who needs a Will and an Estate Plan? In a word: you.

What is the difference between a Will and an Estate Plan?

A Will is a legal document that directs how certain property will pass when you die. A Will is one piece of an overall estate plan.

An Estate Plan is a collection of legal documents that directs, not only how property will be distributed when you die, but in some cases how it is managed when you are alive, and what kind of healthcare choices you would like to have made for you if you are unable to make those choices for yourself.

Why you need a Will and an Estate Plan, even if you don’t have an “estate.”

An estate is the legal word given to all of your property and possessions. In other words: it is all of your “stuff.”

Everyone in this country has “stuff.” You may not have a lot of stuff, or your stuff might not be worth a lot of money, but unless you are homeless and just lost all of your possessions in some sort of natural disaster, you have stuff! And the more stuff you have, the more you need a Will and an estate plan.

You also need an estate plan because you have a body. If, heaven forbid, something should happen and you become physically unable to direct your healthcare decisions, you will have a much greater chance of having someone make decisions that are in line with what you would have wanted if you were able to make the decisions yourself, if you leave directions about what you want.

What documents are part of “an estate plan?”

An Estate Plan can encompass a lot of different documents. Typically, it will include some or all of the following legal documents:

A Will - This directs who gets certain types of your property when you die. It also indicates who you want as the legal guardian of your children.

A Living Will - This directs what kind of life-sustaining treatment you want, or don’t want, if you become incapacitated.

A Trust (maybe) - A trust is actually a legally-formed entity, much like a corporation. There are different types of trusts, and trusts can be incredibly complex, but the bottom line is that, putting your assets in a trust keeps them out of probate court and gives your trustee the authority to dispose of them in the way that you have directed in the trust.

A Power of Attorney - This document gives someone the power to manage your property while you are alive. For example, if you are in a coma, the person whom you have appointed in your power of attorney document will be able to handle your financial affairs until you are better.

A Power of Attorney for Healthcare or Healthcare Proxy - This document appoints someone to make healthcare decisions for you if you are unable to do so for yourself. It also tells someone what kinds of healthcare decisions you want made.

Life Insurance - Life insurance provides your designated beneficiary with money when you die. What you need to know here is that your life insurance proceeds will be paid to whomever is designated as your beneficiary under the policy. The proceeds of the policy are not controlled by your Will.

Retirement Accounts - Like life insurance policies, retirement accounts pass at death to whomever is the named beneficiary of the account. That means that they are not controlled by your Will.

Titled Property - Things like your house and your car have legal titles. Sometimes, how you hold title determines who gets the property when you die. For example, if you hold title to property with your spouse as a joint tenant with rights of survivorship, then when you die that property passes directly to your spouse, no Will required.

Can I make my own Estate Plan?

No. A good Estate Plan is a complicated and inter-related set of documents that works together so that, when something happens and you die, all of your property passes exactly how you want and to whom you want. A good Estate Plan minimizes the amount your estate will pay in taxes when you die, and ensures that you have provided for you loved ones in the best way possible. It is not something most non-lawyers can do on their own.

What do I do if I don’t have money for an Estate Plan?

As a lawyer myself, I could never in good conscience counsel someone to make their own Estate Plan. This area of the law is far too complicated for that.

If you truly don’t have money for an Estate Plan, you can have the basic documents drawn up and signed. That means a Will, a regular power of attorney form and a healthcare power of attorney form. While I would, of course, recommend that you have an attorney draw up these documents for you, you can get these forms online and draft them yourself. But, I do recommend that you get an attorney to at least review your documents and make sure they are properly written and executed.

What happens to my Estate Plan when I divorce?

The scary answer to this question is: almost nothing. While your divorce judgment may provide that your ex-spouse can not inherit from you under your Will, and can not inherit from you if you die without a Will, it does not change the various beneficiary designations in your insurance policies and retirement accounts. It does not automatically re-title your property. You have to do that yourself.

Even though the last thing you are probably thinking about when you get divorced is your estate plan, if you care at all about the money and property you have just been granted as part of your divorce, you need to pay attention to your estate plan as soon after your divorce as possible. That means you have to change the titles to your house and your car yourself. You have to change the beneficiary designation in your life insurance policy and your retirement accounts. Finally, you have to make a new Will and new powers of attorney.

Don't leave the future to chance.

Making a Will and an Estate Plan is no one’s idea of a good time. (Unless, of course, you are a financial planner or an estate planning attorney, and then you get off on doing that kind of thing.) But having a Will and an Estate Plan that is current, accurate, and reflects your wishes insures that, when something does happen to you, your family will be taken care of and everything will go as you planned.

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Most people know they SHOULD have a Will. Some people (you know – the over achievers and those wh...

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estate planning, will, Finances

A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

http://kidsfirstparentssecond.com/about-our-books/

When we started this project back in July of 2013 Becky and I found it alarming that there were so few resources out there to help young children cope with their parent’s divorce. With that in mind enter Mr. Apple, Ms. Orange and our main character, Little Fruit. In our Book “Mommy and Daddy Troubles” Little Fruit learns:

It is not his fault that parent’s separate, it’s a simple fact that parent’s, like fruit, don’t mix well;

It is up to Mr. Apple and Ms. Orange to come up with a game plan to save the day and help Little Fruit fight uncertainty, fear and the general unknown caused by divorce;

In our book “Little Fruit Phone Home” (Available 2015) little fruit learns that he can express his feelings so his parents are there to listen and help! Little fruit also figures out that M...

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http://kidsfirstparentssecond.com/about-our-books/

When we started this project back in July of 2013 Becky and I found it alarming that there were so few resources out there to help young children cope with their parent’s divorce. With that in mind enter Mr. Apple, Ms. Orange and our main character, Little Fruit. In our Book “Mommy and Daddy Troubles” Little Fruit learns:

It is not his fault that parent’s separate, it’s a simple fact that parent’s, like fruit, don’t mix well;

It is up to Mr. Apple and Ms. Orange to come up with a game plan to save the day and help Little Fruit fight uncertainty, fear and the general unknown caused by divorce;

In our book “Little Fruit Phone Home” (Available 2015) little fruit learns that he can express his feelings so his parents are there to listen and help! Little fruit also figures out that Mr. Apple and Ms. Orange continue to inform one another of his day to day activities and maintain their role as Mom and Dad.

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http://kidsfirstparentssecond.com/about-our-books/

When we started this project back in July of ...

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kids first, parents second, children, divorce, resource, book

Ezra Migel shared an Event

Where: 467 Gough Street, San Francisco, CA, United States.
Anytime

UP YOUR GAME AT A CUSTOM MADE SUIT SHOP

UP YOUR GAME AT A CUSTOM MADE SUIT SHOP

San Francisco is a pretty casual city, but there’s still nothing like a dude in a suit, especially when that suit is custom-made, and he designed it himself. Klein Epstein & Parker is a crazy-classy shop that opened up recently in Hayes Valley.

WHERE

Klein Epstein & Parker

467 Gough St

(415) 829-8257

http://www.kleinepsteinparker.com/

NEIGHBORHOOD

Hayes Valley

MORE INFO

Call or schedule an appointment online to visit


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GoSF, Shoppping, Retail Therapy, Dad, Him, Crushit

A Modern Shift member shared an Experience

ANONYMOUS1 although not unique, i mean…. rarely is a story THAT unique…. but no matter what the circumstances is, it;s amazing how alone we can feel during this transition. i have a ton of friends and support but nothing can compare to the abyss of walking away from all you know… into the unknown….


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fear, being alone, change

kyle shared an Experience

Pope revisits 'punishing' rules on Catholic divorce

Millions of devotees remain banned from receiving communion – but meeting of bishops raises hopes of ban being loosened

Elio Cirimbelli, a 66-year-old family counsellor from Bolzano in north-eastern Italy, goes to church most Sundays. He is a devout Roman Catholic but when he attends mass he cannot receive holy communion and must stay in the pew while the rest of the congregation goes up to receive the sacramental bread and wine. "It's very hard, let's put it that way," Cirimbelli says. "We have a church that can be a mother, but sometimes it is a mother which not does embrace but which punishes."

See Full Article:

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/27/vatican-pope-remarried-divorced-communion

Pope revisits 'punishing' rules on Catholic divorce



Millions of devotees remain banned from re...

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divorce, pope

kyle shared an Event

Where: Marlton Hotel, NYC.
Anytime

Share the Warmth

Share the Warmth

Start with a drink by the fire, before heading into the just-opened restaurant, Margaux, for a proper dinner. Styled after Parisian cafes, Margaux is visually stunning yet also delivers strong dishes from the kitchen.


Sophia Farinella commented on this Event

warm your feet and warm your heart, cozy, warm, fuzzy, drinks, meet, snuggle, start again